Iraq
From SomefinkWiki
Oh come on, you haven't heard of Iraq??
The secondmost aestethically sophisticated place in the world, right after Omsk. Do not ever wear white socks together with black shoes in Iraq; people will shoot you on the spot or blow up your car. Foreigners who cut their pizza into slices, order iced beer or eat with their fingers are summarily beheaded.
Contents |
Executive Summary
Sand. Culture. More sand. Stay away.
History
Iraq was part of Kuweit until the excentric billionaire George H.W. Bush bought it in 1991 for the alleged sum of $1 US. To protect its culture from neighboring culture-hungry Syria and Russia, he stationed to be finished later there.
Current Political Situation
Troublesome. The age-old division between Sunnis, who believe that only subtitled 1960s French movies capture the true spirit of existentialism, Shi`ites, who think that French movies should be dubbed, and Kurds, who think that smoking in cinemas should not only be allowed but mandatory, has come to the point where the future of Iraq as a political entity must be doubted. Statues of Albert Camus have been vandalized and mass riots broke out in Baghdad after a TV rerun of "The Big Fix".
Geography
Sand. Pebbles. More sand. The great Mesopotamian Marshlands in eastern Iraq have been drained after the Iran-Iraq war (the first Gulf War) in order to produce more sand.
Export Goods
Culture. Sand. Rocks. Really old stuff. Nobody wants the sand, Saudi Arabian sand is sandier and much cheaper.
Ineresting things to know about Iraq
To improve relations with the Iraqi people (the Iroquois), all US troops are now required to learn basic French and/or Italian. Remember: The funny knife is for eating fish. If you forget that, you'll be hanged from a lamp post.
US state that comes closest to the real thing
Connection to the 9/11 conspiracy
The trail of the 9/11 conspiracy leads directly to the Middle East, especially Iraq.
As early as 1997, former president Bill Clinton signed a bill calling for the removal of Saddam Hussein because it had been made up to look like a subscription form to HUSTLER magazine. At the time, the White House official in charge of the Presidential Reading Room and all magazine subscriptions was none else than Clyde Tolson, J.Edgar Hoover's companion in the FBI and at home for more than 40 years. It is not known yet who appointed a 97-year old man to that post.
After the ominous bill passed congress during lunch break, it became easy for the cabal to invade Iraq in 2003 and finally remove Hussein from power, because the US government was now legally obligated to do so.
