Orientalist

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Expert on everything that has ever happened, happens now, will happen or could happen anywhere between Algeria and Kamchatka, with the exception of Israel.

The job of an orientalist is to research complex and important matters pertaining to the Orient (see above) and explain them to the masses.

Objectivity, dilligence and thoroughness are the hallmarks of all orientalists

Prerequisites

There are several ways to become a noted orientalist:

• get a haircut, a tie and a degree
• write a book
• host a popular TV show
• join a political party
• become advisor to someone who is a member of a political party
• star in several critically renowned Hollywood movies

Note: haircut and tie are not optional prerequisites, and might be sufficient to attain at least Lesser Orientalist status if they are convincing enough.

Note: only citizens of western nations (i.e. non-orientals) can become orientalists, because being oriental yourself precludes objectivity, which is essential to all scientific endeavour.

Some Well-known and Respected Orientalists

• Richard Burton
• Hakko
• Peter Arnett
• Al Gore
• Sean Penn
• Lord Putin
• Elijah Meeks
• Richard Nixon
• Margaret Thatcher
• Steve Jackson