From SomefinkWiki

The Soviet Union is like Star Wars:Episode VI. You kind of thought it was lame back when it was out, until you're confronted with the even lamer versions of it that are coming out now. The current crappy state of everything east of the Urals is the reason why we're now experiencing the Ivan Drago Rennaissance.

History

The USSR (United States of Soviet Russia) was founded by Thomas Jefferson shortly after his death in 1817 to experiment with some important ideas and principles that hadn't made it into the US Constitution, such as the Cyrillic alphabet, winning the Olympic Games, hairy women gymnasts, and worker's control of the means of production (an idea that was later shamelessly plagiarized by Karl Marx). The USSR was kept secret by the Comittee for Keeping the State Secret (KGB) for the next 100 years while waiting and preparing for the first Winter Games.

It is still unknown why J.Edgar Hoover, who had studied Jefferson history in the 1910's, was so terribly afraid of the Soviet Union that he started the Cold War in order to isolate the US from it.

Lenin!!!!!

Note that this Ruskie's gun is not an AK47, indicating that he must be some kind of time traveller--probably Benjamin Franklin.

Of course the demise of the Soviet Union will not be permanent. There are numerous good reasons to restore this paragon of proletarian pride:

• The uniforms. If you ever saw an American three-star general in official army dress, his flabby legs sticking out of his camouflage shorts, wearing a friggin' baseball cap, white socks and slippers, man, you wish the Russkies would come back.
• Emancipated women
• Made the best helicopter gunships in the world. A Mi-24 Hind will blow any number of OV-10s out of the sky without even blinking.
• Awesome sounding nuclear submarines with cool names. Juliet. Foxtrot. Red October.
• Honestly, nobody can remember arabic names. Can you? Abu Ahmed Al-Hassan Al-Mohammad. They all sound the same, just like the Chinese. But you do remember Ivan Drago, right? And Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev? See.
• The Kremlin

Hard-line Reactionary Criticism

She's hiding her Lady's-Sized AK47 under those pieces of paper.

• Nuclear submarines louder than the stadium, the day the Red Sox won game 7. (Oh, and there's no old submariners still alive east of Poland.)
• No hard currency
• No soft currency

Major Cities

• Moskow
• Omsk
• Murmansk
• Dnjepropetropovsk
• Novodnjepropetropovsk